Some of Rachel's confidence had disappeared by the time she took a break in the afternoon after a day of gardening, practicing for the hunt, and getting a few helpful self-defense tips from Stone.

Rachel wanted a half hour of privacy for reflection, but she did not want to have to watch a clock, so she asked that Stone be kind enough to come and fetch her after thirty minutes.

She found a sturdy oak tree to lean against and began her musings.

She had been struggling with the decision of whether to go through with the hunt since Amanda had first accepted her proposition. More and more data had been acquired that bore on the decision.

Now that the final practice hunt was in the past, she couldn't expect any more data come in.

She had all her ducks in a row, as Aunt Jayne might have said.

She had plugged all of the obvious holes in her plan.

She had heard arguments against and very little in favor of continuing,

Her experience with Scott and Jane had opened up for her the fact that, yes, she did find the fantasy of being eaten excitingly erotic, but not something that she thought she might become obsessed with. Maybe the fantasy had been a part of her subconscious for years, though she doubted that it was a hidden motivation in her desire to go through with the hunt. But the night with Scott and Jane had also shown her that, if that was her motivation, there were other, much safer means of fulfilling that fantasy without letting it lead to reality.

There were other things that she could do for Amanda, lots of them. And she knew, as she had known the moment that Amanda had accepted rejection and walked out of the infirmary room, that Amanda expected nothing from her.

Amanda, of course, didn't seem to expect much from anybody. Amanda had to make do for herself, and she had become very efficient at it.

Rachel had ruled out the idea that her own motivation was a matter of self-destruction.

And she had fairly well convinced herself that she was not operating out of a sense of guilt that would have had no justification even if it existed.

What Rachel had not nailed down in a way that she could explain to herself or anyone else was what there was about Amanda and the relationship between the two of them that made Rachel feel so compelled to do something for Amanda.

And even more obscure was the reason, if one existed at all, that this was the right thing to do, that this would serve her purpose better than anything else.

Well, Rachel thought, perhaps the hunt itself, if she went through with it, would somehow provide answers to all of her questions. Maybe she would have a flash of blinding insight in the hunt itself. Perhaps the hunt was the only way to answers. Perhaps she would have a last minute revelation the moment before she died. Rachel's spirituality allowed for the possibility that her answers might come after her death.

Of course, the answer she might find was that, not only was she dead, but she had also been dead wrong.

"Rachel, thirty minutes are up." Stone approached her, carrying package under his arm.

"Well, thanks for coming to get me. I can get back to doing something productive. All of this wool-gathering hasn't amounted to much."

"Oh, don't be in such a hurry." Stone sat down beside her. "I've brought you a present and I'd like to give it to you now." He handed her the package.

"Thank you." Rachel didn't make any you-shouldn't-have protestations. She simply unwrapped the package. The shape and weight gave her a pretty good clue as to what it was.

"Maybe nobody has told you before, but you should know that you aren't required to use the knife that is standard quarry issue at the lodge. You can use any knife you like. For example, you could use this one."

"Oh, Colonel! Where did you find something like this?"

"I didn't find it. I'm afraid I indulged myself and had it specially made for you. I've been studying your plan and I think this will suit your purposes. What do you think?"

"I think it's perfect!"

The knife had a single blade, 6-inches long, with one cutting edge. The inch nearest the point was razor sharp. The remaining five inches, however, were not merely serrated, but were actually a small saw with teeth about an eighth of an inch long.

"Right tool for the right job, eh?" Stone was happy that she liked his present.

"I'll say!" She tested the point against her thumb. "Ouch!" She picked up a blade of grass and split it with the last inch. "Very sharp."

"Oh, let me give a better demonstration." Stone took the knife from her, tossed a small leaf in the air and pierced it with point as it floated down. He removed the leaf, tossed it in the air again and this time split it in mid air. He handed the knife back to her.

"Wow!" Rachel pressed against the side of the blade and found that it would bend slightly. "Flexible, too."

"Finest Sheffield steel, my dear. I wouldn't give you anything less. Oh, and look at the handle and the hilt. I'm afraid I played a little trick on you."

There was an indentation in the hilt shaped exactly to fit the end of her thumb. The handle had subtle grooves into which her fingers fit comfortably.

"What trick?" Rachel asked.

"I coated the handles of some of the gardening tool with a substance that when observed under ultra-violet light gives an excellent impression of anything pressed against it. This knife has been made especially for your right hand."

"Thank you, Colonel. This should enable me to cut my preparation time by a third at least. Oh, you have already done so much for me. I would like to do something to repay you, but I don't know what."

"Well, the repayment I would most prefer would be for you to come back and work in my garden some more. Let's say, next autumn sometime."

This touched Rachel deeply.

"If I am able to, I will. I am afraid, though, that I may have to disappoint you. I hope that isn't the case."

"I hope so, too, my dear." Stone patted her on the shoulder.

There was a moment of uneasy silence.

Rachel could tell that Stone had something to say, but he was hesitating. So many people had freely expressed their opinions about her upcoming hunt with Amanda. Now, the one person whose opinion Rachel would have valued most was keeping his counsel. Stone seemed to be full of opinions. Surely, he had one on this matter, too.

"Go ahead, Colonel, I mean, Stone. If you have something to say, please, do so. Really, I would appreciate it."

"I have found over the years, that it's very difficult to approach a young person who has chosen to take a course of action that, well, might be open to criticism, without seeming like a bothersome busybody, a sort of self-appointed wise man. With the best of intentions, one is likely to push a young person into a defensive posture, force her to stand her ground. Ha," the Colonel laughed. "That's appropriate, eh?

"Now, I imagine that you suppose that I disapprove of your intentions," the Colonel went on. "If forced to either endorse them or declare opposition, I would probably do the latter. But, I must also honestly say that I can't really do either fairly, because I do not understand this matter at all, and I think it's damned foolishness to approve or disapprove of what one doesn't even have an inkling about.

"Therefore, let me ask you a favor. You know that I am, by nature, a man with curiosity about everything. I want to understand everything possible. So, if you would humor an old man, please tell me as much as you want to about this affair between yourself and Amanda. Anything at all that you think would help me to understand it."

Rachel appreciated the opportunity Stone presented her and she took advantage of it. She gave him a thorough accounting, from the way she had been cajoled into signing up to be hunted to her presenting Amanda with a proposition that she never expected to be accepted. She also told him of the self-doubts she had experienced since she and Amanda had set a date. She even included the dreams she had had about Carol and Vicky.

"Well, thank you for elucidating all of that, my dear," Stone said when she had finished. Then he was silent.

Rachel was somewhat puzzled by his silence. "Do you have any questions, sir?" she asked.

"Well, yes. But you can't answer them," Stone said. "Not yet, at least."

Rachel looked a question at him.

"You don't really understand fully what your motivations are. You've admitted that, and it's very honest of you to do so. 'Know thyself' is one of the oldest dictums in philosophy. Discovering your motivations will be an important part of fulfilling that injunction. You are on a quest for the truth. I am certainly not about to discourage that. It might be nice, though, if you could find a less drastic means. I wonder if there is any available."

"I wonder, too," Rachel said.

"Let me ask a question, though, that I am sure you can answer. How would you feel if Amanda herself were to call off the hunt?"

Rachel was stunned. "I've never considered that."

"Consider it now."

"I would feel... disappointed." Rachel was amazed at her own answer.

"And what would you do?"

Rachel took her time answering. "I would suggest to Amanda that we go through with the hunt, but not have it be for blood."

"Do you think that would be satisfactory?"

"No."

"Why? You've said that Amanda herself has said she would be satisfied with a hunt with lower stakes."

"I don't believe I said that. She said she would settle for it."

"Ah, yes. That is different," Stone agreed.

"And I don't think Amanda should have to 'settle.' I think Amanda, as much as anyone else, deserves to be satisfied."

"You know, Rachel, for some people satisfaction is not possible. It may be that Amanda has such conflicting motives for what she does that she can never be satisfied. 'Settling' may be the best she can ever do. If I could somehow assure you that was true in Amanda's case, how would you feel?"

"I would feel... sad."

"Well, if she did withdraw from the hunt and if you proposed a non-lethal hunt and she accepted, what would be wrong with that? You said you wanted to do something nice for her. Wouldn't that be nice?"

"Yes," Rachel admitted.

"With the plans you've made, I'm sure you would both enjoy yourselves."

"Probably." Rachel sighed. "If Amanda were to suggest that we take the lethal element out of our hunt, I certainly wouldn't try to argue her out of it. But I don't think she's likely to do that. And I just can't bring myself to be the one to suggest it."

"Why not?" Stone wondered.

"She offered me a bloodless hunt. I turned it down, in part, because I knew that it wasn't what she really wanted. I can't just turn around and offer her what she offered me.

"I know that Amanda won't lie to me. If she were to tell me that she really would prefer a bloodless hunt, I would believe her.

"She has to be the one to say that she prefers a bloodless hunt, not that she will accept it as a distant second choice.

"I want to do something for Amanda. Some nagging, insistent voice inside me says that going through with the hunt is the best way to do it. I feel that something good will come of this."

"Rachel, what is it that you want to do for Amanda? If you can't be specific, say it in the most general terms you can." Stone was not at all impatient.

Rachel thought for a long moment before answering.

"I guess," Rachel said finally, "it comes down very simply to this: I want to see Amanda have a wonderful time."