Higgins and Pickering are enjoying a smoke in the parlour following lunch.

Thantasy: [Liza] <Enters parlour.>

Thantasy: [Liza] Sir, there's a carriage coming.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Indeed?

Thantasy: [Liza] I think it's that nice boy Freddie who brought me here the first day.

Thantasy: [Liza] And there's a woman in the carriage.

Thantasy: [Liza] I think it may be the client you was expecting.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] I should think that would be our client.

Thantasy: [Liza] She seems to have quite a lot of luggage with her.

Thantasy: [Liza] I just thought I'd prepare you.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] I don't believe I was expecting her to arrive with luggage.

Thantasy: [Liza] She must be planning to move right in.

Thantasy: [Liza] There's the bell. I'll go and get it.

Thantasy: [Liza] <Exits.>

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Quite unusual.... yes, thank you, Eliza.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Surely she doesn't expect to be done in today, Pickering? These things take time to prepare.

Cardaniel80: [Pickering] Yes. Of course, we don't even know how she wants it done.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] If she's just going to snuff herself straightaway, I hardly think she needs us. Ah, well, I suppose we will soon know.

Thantasy: [Liza] <Returns with the client.>

Cardaniel80: (Both men stand.)

Thantasy: [Liza] Professor Higgins, Colonel Pickering, may I present...

Thantasy: [Hester] Hesssster Hessston. I believe you recccccieved my missssive?

Thantasy: [Hester] <Tall, very thin, striking.>

Thantasy: [Hester] <Clad in a very tight outfit of....leather?>

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] We did indeed, Miss Heston. I must admit we are curious as to your needs, and the reason you have come to us.

Thantasy: [Liza] Sir, I think I had best go help Freddie with the luggage. He has to get back to town.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Yes, thank you Eliza, I'm sure he would appreciate it.

Thantasy: [Liza] <Exits.>

Thantasy: [Hester] Yessss. My needssss.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Ahhh, Miss Heston... what, in fact, should be done with the luggage?

Thantasy: [Hester] It wassss my hope that I might ssssstay here...

Thantasy: [Hester] rather than ssssseek resssssidence in town. I do not plan to be leaving.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] (Looks at Pickering.) We do have a room.... I believe we can accomodate you, although we did not realize you would be staying here.

Thantasy: [Hester] I would apreciate your...

Thantasy: [Hester] hosssspitality.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] (Smiles) I am, indeed, noted for it. Few of our guests ever choose to leave, as you know.

Thantasy: [Hester] <Enters further into the room.>

Thantasy: [Hester] <If it is possible to slither in an upright position, she does it.>

Thantasy: [Hester] May I have a sssssseat?

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Oh, by all means, please. (Indicating sofa.)

Thantasy: [Hester] Although I have sssssat in the coach, it wassss not comfortable in the leassssst.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Perhaps some ssherry? (Damn! She's got me doing it.)

Thantasy: [Hester] <Sits in a large chair, curls her legs up under her.>

Thantasy: [Hester] Yesssss, Pleassssse.

Thantasy: [Hester] I'm parched!

Thantasy: [Hester] Very, very dry.

Cardaniel80: [Pickering] (Pours, looking at Higgins and giving an imperceptible, querilous shrug.)

Thantasy: [Hester] <Takes the glass from his hand, coils her fingers around it.>

Thantasy: [Hester] Thank you very much, kind sssssir.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] (Wonders if she would prefer a box of sand to the sofa.)

Thantasy: <Her eyes are fascinating, they hold your gaze.>

Thantasy: <The men can hard keep from being hypnotized by her.>

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Ahhh... (Shakes head slightly to clear it.) You were about to expand on your needs.

Thantasy: [Hester] Yessss.

Thantasy: [Liza] <Out on the stoop.> Gor, this is a heavy one, Freddie, and it's got holes in it.

Thantasy: [Liza] EEEK!! Sounds like something moving in there!!!!

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] (Springs to his feet and goes to the parlour door at the sound of Eliza's scream.) Do you need some help, Eliza?

Thantasy: [Liza] No, sir, me and Freddie can manage.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] (Turns back to Hester... pretty eyes. Intense...)

Thantasy: [Hester] It isssss my underssstanding that you asssissst women in achieving cccccertain objectivesssss.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] We do indeed. I am assuming you have... such an objective in coming here?

Thantasy: [Hester] In matterssss of, ssssshall we ssssay.....

Thantasy: [Hester] Sssshufffling off thisss mortal coil?

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Departing this vale of tears? Yes, we help with that.

Thantasy: [Hester] Asss a reptile might ssshed itsss sssskin?

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Yes, quite well-put... many of my clients believe they will emerge renewed, on another plane of existence.

Thantasy: [Hester] Hmmmm.

Thantasy: [Hester] I expect to emerge....

Thantasy: [Hester] over the courssssse of a few monthsssss...

Thantasy: [Hester] assss...

Thantasy: [Hester] ssssnake dung.

Cardaniel80: [Pickering] (Drops his sherry glass on the floor.)

Thantasy: [Hester] I ssssuppossse that isssss a transsssformation of ssssortsss, you ssssee.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] (Takes this with a greater degree of aplomb. He has heard more odd desires expressed than Pickering has.)

Thantasy: [Hester] I would not require asssissstance at all, asss I already have the meanssss of my demissse at my disssspossssal.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] And yet you do have need of our services...?

Thantasy: [Hester] I am conccccerned about the future care of my preccciousss pet.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] (Realizes that the pet in question is a snake.)

Thantasy: [Hester] I want an underssstanding perssson to sssee to it that my dear, dear companion of many yearssss isss not dessstroyed for having consssumed me.

Thantasy: [Hester] I'm afraid that if I were to execute my plansss in my home of Norfolk, the poor thing would be killed upon disssscovery of what had transssspired.

Thantasy: [Hester] I believe I can entrussst hisss care to you.

Thantasy: [Hester] I have brought with me ample meanssss to reward you for your cooperation.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Forgive me for asking clarification... your desire, then, is that your beloved pet snake shall... eat you?

Thantasy: [Hester] Yessss. After having ssssuffocated me by

Thantasy: [Hester] sssstrangulation.

Thantasy: [Hester] It hasss been my dream for agesssss.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] (Looks at Pickering) I have a feeling Eliza should be here.

Thantasy: [Hester] Oh, that charming domessssstic?

Cardaniel80: [Pickering] I could go retrieve her.

Thantasy: [Hester] Pleasssse do!

Thantasy: [Hester] I thought she wassss a member of your ssstafff.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] She is our valued colleague in these matters.

Cardaniel80: [Pickering] (Leaves, unconsciously shaking his head.)

Thantasy: [Hester] She ssseems the very embodiment of Hesssstia, the Greek goddesss of domesssstic activity.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] (Smiling.) She is indeed, but she has proved very insightful in our recent endeavors. I'm sure she will appreciate being named a Goddess. Ah, here they are. (Pickering returns, bringing Liza.)

Thantasy: [Liza] <Trembling slightly, rather nervous.>

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Eliza, you've already met Miss Heston. It seems she has a desire with which I have not personally dealt before.

Thantasy: [Liza] <Whispers.> Sir, there's something one of those crates!

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Yes, Eliza, it's a... rather large snake.

Thantasy: [Liza] Eeek!

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Now, Eliza, we should not too harshly judge a creature who has earned the love of our esteemed client.

Thantasy: [Hester] I admit to a rare tassste, but have no fearssss, Elizzza. He is mossst well-trained.

Thantasy: [Liza] Gives me the willies, it does.

Thantasy: [Hester] Oh, my darling...

Thantasy: [Hester] <Transfixes Liza with her eyes.>

Thantasy: [Hester] Trusssst me, my dear.

Thantasy: [Hester] <<Lizzza, trusssst in me.>>

Thantasy: [Hester] <<Trusssssst me completely.>>

Thantasy: [Hester] <<Believe that no harm will come to you.>>

Thantasy: [Hester] <<Believe that with all your heart.>>

Thantasy: [Hester] <<You have absolute trust in me.>>

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] (Feels an odd air in the room, as if a bolt of lightning is poised to strike.)

Thantasy: [Hester] <<Repeat that, Liza so that the men can hear.>>

Thantasy: [Liza] I...I takes your word for it. I trust you.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] (Smiling.) Well, very good then.

Thantasy: [Hester] <<Very good, dear.>>

Thantasy: [Hester] Ssssee professsssor, there will be no problem.

Thantasy: [Hester] No problemssss at all.

Thantasy: [Hester] <<Right? Liza?>>

Thantasy: [Liza] Yes, there won't be any problems.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Eliza is very adaptable to new ideas, and I'm sure she earnestly wishes you success in your... endeavor.

Thantasy: [Hester] Now, gentlemen, I have been travelling a great deal reccccently.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Yes, I'm sure you would like to rest. It is quite a long trip from Norfolk. (Wrinkles his brow.) The train from Norfolk would have arrived late last night. Where did you stay?

Thantasy: [Hester] Oh no, I arrived from Dover, not Norfolk. As I ssssaid, I have been travelling. I beg that you excussss me to retire.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Liza, perhaps you could show Miss Heston to her room?

Thantasy: [Hester] <<YES, Liza, say yes!>>

Thantasy: [Liza] It will be my pleasure, sir.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Very good, then. Will we see you at dinnertime, Miss Heston?

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] That is, eating dinner, as opposed to being dinner?

Thantasy: [Hester] Thank you very much, gentlemen. We shall work out the detailsss later. Yessss. At dinner.

Thantasy: [Liza] Right this way, ma'am.

Thantasy: [Hester] <Rises and slithers out of the room behind Liza.>

Thantasy: [Hester] <Some particles of the fabric of her garments seem to have flaked off on the chair.>

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] (To Pickering.) I must admit I'm entering new territory here.

Cardaniel80: [Pickering] Are we to keep that snake permanently, then? I don't really know anything about snakes.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Nor do I, but I trust Miss Heston will enlighten us before her departure. She seems to care a great deal for the snake.

Cardaniel80: [Pickering] Indeed. Well, I'm willing to learn if you are. I never realized we would emerge from this with a permanent houseguest.

LATER THAT EVENING

Thantasy: [Liza] <Sets the last of the dishes on the table.>

Cardaniel80: [Pickering] I certainly hope we at least get a crash course in the care and feeding of snakes.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] I believe snakes can amuse themselves quite adequately without much help if you keep them fed.

Thantasy: [Liza] Well, I believe she said the snake, she calls it Albert, only needs to eat about once every few months.

Cardaniel80: [Pickering] Really! I should think it must consume quite a lot when it does eat, then.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Yes, evidently.

Thantasy: [Liza] Well, I think that's everything. Shall I go get Miss Hester? She did say she would be down and she knows the time.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Yes, thank you Eliza, I should like to take the opportunity to make better acquaintance with her.

Thantasy: [Liza] Oh, here she comes now.

Cardaniel80: (Both men stand.)

Thantasy: [Hester] <Slithers into the room.> I hope I'm not late. I did have a mosssst refressshing ressst.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Not at all, not at all. We were just about to start.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] I hope your room is quite comfortable.

Thantasy: [Hester] Yesssss. Mossst ssssatisssfactory.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Now, one thing we are concerned about... we really don't know a great deal about caring for snakes.

Thantasy: [Liza] Well, if that's everything, I'll take me place. <Sits.>

Thantasy: [Hester] <Somewhat surprised to see Liza sit down at the table.>

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Do try some of this excellent meat. Pickering's own recipe.

Thantasy: [Hester] Well, it wasss my intensssion that you might passssss dear Albert along to a zzzzzooological garden. Oh, thank you.

Thantasy: [Hester] <Her first reaction, which she quickly checks, is to open her mouth very wide.>

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Ah, I see. After he has... ah, digested you.

Thantasy: [Hester] Actually, you may not want to keep him that long. It may take up to ssssix monthssss for me to passs...

Cardaniel80: (Pickering's eyes widen.)

Thantasy: [Hester] completely out of hissss ssssysssstem.

Thantasy: [Hester] Conssssidering my body wieght.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] How shall we arrange for the.... meal, to take place?

Thantasy: [Hester] Well, it won't be complexxx.

Thantasy: [Hester] I sssshall ssssimply ssstand in hissss boxxx.

Thantasy: [Hester] He will wrap himsssself around me.

Thantasy: [Hester] SSSSSSStrangle me.

Thantasy: [Hester] I'll fall down...

Thantasy: [Hester] He will conssssume me.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] (Finds he is growing hard. He has seen many deaths, but this is something new.)

Thantasy: [Hester] If I were reluctant for thissss to happen, I might need to be resssstrained.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Do you think you would be reluctant?

Thantasy: [Hester] No, I assssssure you, I will be mossst co-operative.

Thantasy: [Hester] It might be besssst to tie my handssss -- not becausssse of reluctance, but ssssso that I won't hurt him with....

Cardaniel80: [Pickering] (Idly fingers his growing erection behind his pants.)

Thantasy: [Hester] involuntary reflexxxesss.

Thantasy: [Hester] I have looked forward to thissss for quite ssssome time.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Yes, I can see that care must be taken. Should we bind your ankles as well?

Cardaniel80: [Pickering] That may be best, you might otherwise do some damaging kicking.

Thantasy: [Hester] Perhapsssss.

Thantasy: [Hester] You ssssseee, Albert and I are on quite intimate termsss.

Thantasy: [Hester] I think the only problem might be that he would be hesssitant to sssstrangle me.

Thantasy: [Hester] Assss we are sssso fond of each other.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] (Hardens still more, picturing this woman's intimacies with a snake.)

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] If he is reluctant, how might he be encouraged?

Thantasy: [Hester] I have, I am afraid, ssssomewhat sssstarved him. He ssshould be quite hungry, enough to overcome hissss hesssitation.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] He may also be a bit reproachful for that same reason, which may help further.

Thantasy: [Hester] Are you familiar with the Bible, the book of Genissssisss, in particular?

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Yes, I am familiar with the snake to which the Bible refers.

Thantasy: [Hester] It sssspeakssss of an antipathy between women and sssserpentssss.

Thantasy: [Hester] Albert and I have overcome that antipathy.

Thantasy: [Hester] Very sssucesssssfully.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Yes, evidently you have.

Thantasy: [Hester] Do you know, any of you, how ssssnakessss make love?

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] I, uh.... no.

Thantasy: [Hester] <Smiles> I do.

Thantasy: [Hester] They do it.........

Thantasy: [Hester] very well.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] (Smiling as well.) At least I can see you have no complaints to make.

Thantasy: [Hester] Reptilesss are very ssssimple creaturessss. Are you familiar with the theoriessss of Misssster Charlessss Darwin?

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Yes, I have studied them. Brilliant man.

Thantasy: [Hester] He makesss the ssssuggesssstion that we, assss well asss other mammalsssss....

Thantasy: [Hester] may be dessscended from reptilesss.

Thantasy: [Hester] and that in our brainsssss may be a primative core, a reptilian brain....

Thantasy: [Hester] that motivatessss our mosssst basssic desssiresss.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] I'm sure our Christian friends take issue, but I am open to the idea.

Thantasy: [Hester] Well, assss I sssaid, Albert and I have dissssproven that bit about the antipathy between women and sssserpentsss.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] (Pensively.) If we were to attempt to accomodate both Darwin and the Bible... I wonder if the Old Testament snake might not have been an alternative father-figure, in competition with God?

Thantasy: [Hester] Yesss. Precccisssely.

Thantasy: [Hester] I am ssssomething of a hissstorian.

Thantasy: [Hester] I've visssited ssssome ancient ssssitessss in the near easssst.

Thantasy: [Hester] Mossst notably Hissssartek, the modern sssite of ancient Troy.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Ah. Tell me what you learned there.

Thantasy: [Hester] In many culturessss, the ssssnake wasss regarded assss divine...

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] I had understood that to be the case.

Thantasy: [Hester] posssssibly becausssse of the peculiar hissstogenesssisss of the tisssssuessss of itsss sssskin.

Thantasy: [Hester] The way it sssshedsss itsss sssskin and sssseemssss to undergo a rebirth.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Your own clothing... this surprises me a bit... appears to be snakeskin.

Thantasy: [Hester] <Becomes uncomfortable.>

Thantasy: [Hester] It issss sssssimilar.

Thantasy: [Hester] In any event, my sssstudiesss have taken me many placessss.

Thantasy: [Hester] The Orient...

Thantasy: [Hester] Hisssspania...

Thantasy: [Hester] Hissspanola.

Cardaniel80: [Pickering] (Nods at the mention of the Orient.)

Thantasy: [Hester] The American Great Plainssss, and dessssert regionssss.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Yes, the American plains are remarkable for its deadly snakes which announce their presence quite dramatically.

Thantasy: [Hester] Albert hasss been my companion on mossst of my travelssss.

Thantasy: [Hester] Sssnakes of hissss ssssort can grow to tremendousss ssssizzze.

Thantasy: [Hester] I decccciddded to sssssettle down in Norfolk mainly becausssse Albert became too large to conveniently carry about.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Not having yet seen Albert, I was wondering as to his length.

Thantasy: [Hester] I sssshall be very grateful for you asssuranccce that he will be well taken care of, following my demisssse.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] I promise you, Miss Heston, Albert will be quite well cared-for.

Thantasy: [Hester] Thank you.

Thantasy: [Hester] Well, that wassss a ssssplendid meal.

Thantasy: [Hester] The meat wassss mossst tasssty.

Thantasy: [Hester] My complimentssss, Colonel Pickering.

Cardaniel80: [Pickering] (Nods absently, fascinated.)

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Would you care to have witnesses to your passing?

Thantasy: [Hester] Oh, yesssss.

Thantasy: [Hester] I adore the idea of eyessss being upon ussss at that moment!

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] I believe our eyes shall be riveted on the event.

Thantasy: [Hester] I sssshall not be a guessst in you housssse long.

Thantasy: [Hester] All of my preparationssss have been made.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] When, then, do you plan to execute your final passage?

Thantasy: [Hester] I wasss thinking no later than tomorrow.

Thantasy: [Hester] There issss a ccccertain urgencccy.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] If Albert is quite hungry, I can understand that time may be pressing.

Thantasy: [Hester] Yesss, that issss the reassson for the urgenccccy --

Thantasy: [Hester] Albert isssss hungry.

Thantasy: [Hester] <<The only reason any of you need care about!!!!!>>

Thantasy: [Hester] There are ssssome paperssss which I will point out to you. Onccce you read them, you will know what to do with them.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] If they are legal documents, I have some familiarity with such things.

Thantasy: [Hester] Thesssse are more like diariesss, you might sssay.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] [I suspected as much. I thought she'd seize on that.]

Thantasy: [Hester] Now, I ssshall require ssssome assssissstanccce thisss afternoon.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Ah, how may we help you?

Thantasy: [Hester] The sssssort of asssissstance bessst provided by a woman.

Thantasy: [Hester] Lizzzza, darling will you be kind enough to come to my room to help me?

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] (Looks at Liza.) Would you be able to assist her, my dear?

Thantasy: [Liza] Well, I've got me chores that need tending to.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] I believe we can bow to the urgency of Miss Heston's need at this time.

Thantasy: [Hester] <<SAY YES, LIZA, THIS INSTANT!>>

Thantasy: [Liza] But I suppose they could wait.

Thantasy: [Liza] Yes, I'll be happy to help you, Miss Hester.

Thantasy: [Hester] Ssssplendid!

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Should we anticipate that you will be occupied all evening?

Thantasy: [Hester] Yessss.

Thantasy: [Hester] Gentlemen if you will excussss usssss?

Thantasy: [Liza] I really should at least clear the dishes.

Thantasy: [Hester] <<NOW, LIZA!!!>>

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] (Feels uncomfortable with the expression that passed though Hester's features when Liza hesitated.)

Thantasy: [Liza] Unless the gentlemen would see to them for me.

Thantasy: [Liza] Would you, sir?

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] (Surprised.) Ahhh, yes, we would be happy to. We do have a guest whose needs should have some priority.

Thantasy: [Hester] Thank you, sssir, for sssparing your charming domessstic goddesss.

Thantasy: [Hester] Come, Liza.

Thantasy: [Hester] <<Now!>>

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] (Looks at Pickering, eyebrows raised, as if asking Pickering whether he senses anything odd.)

Thantasy: [Hester] Thank you, gentlemen. Come Liza. <Exits with Liza behind.>

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] (Quietly, after they have left.) I don't know if I'd say that's really like Liza.

Cardaniel80: [Pickering] In what way?

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] Well, she's always eager to help, but she never ceases to consider herself my employee. It seemed now as if... I don't know, it's nebulous....

Cardaniel80: [Pickering] I believe I know what you mean, but I'm damned if I can find words for it either.

Cardaniel80: [Higgins] (Looking at the dishes.) Well, I believe our job is calling us.